The Truth is...

The truth is... I really have been meaning to write... yet i have not.

Some ideas which I have not seen through:
1) "Even the Dogs are British" - this would have been a whimsical rant about how it seems that the delightful dogs are keeping to themselves and their person with all social etiquite, in the same air as their person. This has been sad as I love to pet dogs. And I'm used to being allowed to pet other's dogs because I moved from the most dog-friendly city in the world: Vancouver.
2) "Kisses from Melville" - the 90 year old man at my church named Melville tells me he likes it when i wear my hair down and gives me a kiss on the cheek. This man has been in the church choir for 80 years; that's right, since he was 10 years old. The fact that he knew my name made me feel apart of the community.

[... I'm sure there were others, I just can't think of them now.]

And even others I could think of on the spot, like...
2) "Oh! How I love Bacon!" - a desciption of the best bacon in the world, namely, that which can be purchased at a particlar stale at the farmer's market.
3) "Flatball around the World!" - discussing the Ultimate Frisbee club I'm in (a club, i have discovered is very, VERY different from the casual intermuras of UBC) and where we've gone (Aberdeen, Glasgow, Edinburgh)
4) "Best Valentine's EVER!" - on receiving Valentine gifts from kids whom i babysit
5) "Celebrate Increasing Light" - a short meditation on Epiphany and a description of my first ever Art's Night (I hosted about 10-12 artist in an evening of poetry, short stories, and music accompanied with wine and fruit and cheese)

I could probably say something about the new year, but it seems a bit late for that. We're almost in March, after all.

Mostly, I am learning the layers of settling....
I know where I live. I don't get lost when going somewhere. I even know a few short cuts! I know the neighbors upstairs and I'm getting to know families at the church I attend. I've decorated my flat and my room and don't feel like moving things around anymore. Melville kisses my cheek at church, my 4-year-old neighbor shouts "It's Amy!" on the street and we wave to each other. And it's nice.
But I still have trouble with the bank system in the UK, and the assessment system at St. Andrews. I am still settling into friendships. I'm about to begina new job, which will be more "new" to which I will need to adjust... and learn from which to learn quickly. And my love is scattered with the family and dear friends who are all over the world.

I have been here 6 months now. I anticipate being here for two and a half more years. I have much more settling to do.

I read a poem to the sea...

I read a poem to the sea
because it loves words
though it has no need for them.

Wind come up and carries
them away - they flap and
soar in the sky as their

white feathered brothers do.
A few loose adjectives get
trapped on tree branches

while nouns fall slowly as leaves.
Grass politely bends to commas
heard in the pause. And the sun,

ah the sun, begins
its slow wink
to lid horizon.

November: poetic offerings

'November above the 50th lateral,
Or, how i think i am a sunflower'

My bud face peers out the window
looking for sun. Seeing only
gray blankets which dome

the world, my face falls down.
And I wriggle and writh
feeling for heat,
looking for brightness.

But I do not uproot. I let
my feet grow deeper and,
with all my might,
lean.

A Rant against Vampires -- thank you Mandy...

November 13 at 4:32pm - Mandy Jesser

Okay, here's my rant: feel free to post as you'd like...

Why do teenage girls LOVE vampires: (1) Because it's romantic. Most of the girls infatuated with vampires (anyway, those that I teach) are neither attractive or polished or socially apt. By claiming love for these creatures of the night, they have an active fantasty to place their romantic notions. I mean, are they really going to get asked out by any of the boys in the class? No. I mean, are they really going to be doing the asking out? No. I mean, is anyone really going to get bitten by the vampire fantasty? No. Plus, it's the facination of being admired by an other-worldly creature, one who dominates, controls, possesses. And I think as a written rule, if a vampire likes you then you automatically have long, wavy brown hair and get to wear a lot of Victorian clothing. Yeah, I'll go there - it's also a very sexually agressive romantic/fantasy - total possession by the beast. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE VICTORIAN CONCEPT. I hate fucking Victorians, too, and they're buttoned-up, laced-up notion of "modesty" and sexually repression. It's a sad play: vampire vs. victorian girl. It's a love that can never be.

(2) Vampires are supposed to be this English/European gentleman type. I mean, really, how many of us want a sweaty, uncouth cowboy when we could engage in romantic notions about a cultured creature, who also happens to pulse romantic ideals? I think American girls are drawn to this sense of nobility and class. That's right...I just said it. I mean, Bruce Willis is bald, Will Smith is black, the stars of So You Think You Can Dance are gay, and Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt are aging...badly. Where's a young girl to turn to for a love fantasy? OTHER-WORLDLY. Who wouldn't want to be bitten by sophistication and good manners....which brings me to....

(3) For as much as vampires are creatures of the night, blood suckers, energy stealers, are they REALLY a threat. No. It's a safe fantasty for all teenage girls to have - because the prospect of it really happening is slim to none. It's a departure from the every day grind - it's an escape to a fantasy that suggest sexually tension/agression but really promises nothing more than a day dream about European gentility. The problem is, then, that they don't associate the vampire myth with the reality of aggressive men who play on this sexual dominance. And then girls get all upset and can't figure out where the disconnect occurs.

For the record: I FUCKING HATE THE TWILIGHT SERIES. I think it's disgusting, and I think the appeal that it's a "good read" is distrubing. There's nothing good about the read - it causes girls to imagine this world that only reinfoces that which they can't have (ever lasting, eternal love, by a completely devoted creature of the night) and perpetuates the rape fantasy. Total domination/control by any male image is completely disturbing. I'd rather have a generation of non-readers than one infatuated by Twilight.I'd like to castrate the entire vampire myth by removing the fangs of this fantasy. It's bullshit. And why the fuck is every vampire myth also associated with a fucking werewolf? I don't get it. Dog/Beast. Bloodsucker. Yuck.Ahh...I feel better. Can't wait to integrate this into my next lesson, which will be about why good indie music plays into these "alternative" films.

Sigh.

A Little Funny Something

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/historical_archives_a_mischievous

Scotland poems thus far

'Upon Arrival'
(Sept 25, 2009)

it is the wind that hits me first -
the Arctic north wind flying
south for the winter

when it rains, i'm told, it will
hit me sideways and even
the sturdiest umbrella

is no match for this gale force
which will whip my hair
like a flag half-mast.



'The Waves'
(6 Oct 2009 - after finishing V. Woolf's _The Waves_)

'Yes, this is the eternal renewal, the incessant rise and fall and fall and rise again.' - Virginia Woolf, _The Waves_

it is when the wave
punches the sand with its
white fist, when it digs

its heals and makes the bar
sink lower, that we learn
there will always be

death, always life, always
childhood with its big curious
eyes, always adolescence with

its unsteady limbs. we will
surely die. we will surely
survive the death of another.

and the kiss behind the
barn, the trip to India
which never happened

will be everything, will
be nothing, will be the
water and tress and bird-songs

which fill our lives
with wonder, with regret,
with splashing.

Things You Don't Want to Hear at an Airport

1.) "Please move." -- After 10 hours on a plane across the Atlantic and at least 30 minutes walking from our arrival gate to our new departure gate, we were told to move 10 feet from gate 55 to gate 54.

2.) "Yes, hello, please move." -- After finally finding food and coming back to gate 54 and falling asleep, Gabby and I were asked to move outside of the gate area. We would need to go through security (for the third time in that airport) in about 30 minutes.

3.) "Don't drink the water." -- I asked for tap water, rather than paying 4 euro for a small bottled water. They put water in my water bottle but said that i should not drink it. I did. Everything was fine.

4.) "Due to malfunction, your flight will be delayed." -- This announcement was, of course, in German (as we were in the Frankfort airport). We had to ask for a translation.

5.) "Your bus is here."